“I
was told initially that Arafa had been injured in an Israeli strike. Of course
I was concerned, but many people get injured in his line of work and what was
important is that he was still alive. I learnt only fifteen minutes before
Arafa’s body arrived back at the family home that he had died. The shock was
unbearable”

Imtihan Abdel Dayam
with sons Hamed, Ahmed, Abdel Rahman, and Hani (left to right)

Arafa Abdel Dayem, 34, was killed on
4 January 2009, during Israel’s 23 day offensive on the Gaza Strip, codenamed
“Operation Cast Lead”. Arafa, a medic, was responding to a missile attack on a
group of five unarmed men when an Israeli tank fired a shell filled with
flechettes directly at the group.

Meeting the al Dayem family one
can’t help but notice the quiet and composed nature of the whole group.  It is obvious that the four boys: Hani, 11,
Hamed, 9, Abdel Rahman, 6, and Ahmed, 4, have been impeccably taught by their
mother, Imtihan al Dayem, 35, in the ways of politeness and good behaviour. The
boys remain quiet and seated next to Imtihan at all times during the interview.

Imtihan recalls the events of that
day, three years ago: “I was told initially that Arafa had been injured in an
Israeli strike. Of course I was concerned, but many people get injured in his
line of work and what was important is that he was still alive. I learnt only
fifteen minutes before Arafa’s body arrived back at the family home that he had
died. The shock was unbearable”. Imtihan’s voice breaks a little as she retells
the moment she learnt of her husband’s death, but it is only a glancing moment
of vulnerability in what is otherwise a strong face put on “for the sake of the
children and their future.”

The family have faced challenges since
the loss of Arafa. Due to a dispute with Arafa’s family, with whom they lived
prior to the incident, Imtihan was forced to move out and into the unfinished
house started by Arafa before he died. “When we moved in there was nothing, no
furniture, no windows, no carpets, we only had the house painted ten days ago,”
says Imtihan. Using Arafa’s savings she was able to pay off previous loans used
to start construction on the house but did not have enough to finish it.

Reflecting on Arafa’s life before he
was killed Imtihan talks of Arafa’s courage and popularity amongst
Palestinians. “During the war, Arafa would only come home to deliver food to
the family and then go out to volunteer with the medics again. If one medical
crew was full he would look for others” says Imtihan. “We received condolences
from all over the world when he died.” Unsurprisingly, “the importance of being
strong” is something that Imtihan reiterates in her discussion of the family’s
lives since the death of her husband. 

The effect on the children on the
loss of their father was particularly traumatic, especially Hani who, given his
and his Dad’s close relationship, displayed physical and mental symptoms of
extreme trauma in the year following the event. “But I have been upfront with
the children that they will behave as their father would wish them to,” says
Imtihan, and daily talking sessions with UNRWA staff in the period following
the death of his father has meant Hani is now doing well in school and
excelling in science, a field his father taught in the local UNRWA school. It
is clear that Hani is filling the position of man of the house as he sits
quietly with his mother and watches over his younger brothers. Ahmed, the
youngest, was four months when Arafa died, “he did not have a chance to know or
to love his father” says Imtihan. 

Speaking of the future Imtihan is
hopeful, “I have four young boys whom I hope to see graduate from college and
get married, but I am only one, it is a huge responsibility and I must be
strong.” She is also hopeful for prospects regarding legal proceedings in
Israel concerning compensation for her husband’s killing given that Arafa was
clearly not a military target at the time of his killing at the hands of
Israeli occupation forces.

PCHR submitted a criminal complaint
on behalf of the Abdel Dayem Family on 21 August 2009. To-date, no response has
been received.

————————————

The Narratives:

–3 January 2009: Motee’ and Isma’il as-Selawy

– 2
January 2009: Eyad al-Astal

– 1
January 2009: The Nasla Family

– 31 December 2008: The Abu Areeda family

– 30 December 2008: The Hamdan Family

–29
December 2008: Balousha Family

– 28
December 2008: The Abu Taima family

– 27
December 2008: The Al Ashi Family.